髒話和優雅的爭論 Cursing and graceful debates
在與盧森堡事務所的合夥會計師電話面試的時候我曾經問過我是否需要法文德文才能工作，對方非常理所當然地否定，跟我說事務所裡已經有只說英文的同事，他們並不需要法文或德文才能工作。我抵達之後才慢慢了解在這家盧森堡的四大會計師事務所裡，所有只懂英文的同事都被分配到做基金審計，因為在盧森堡設立的基金通是國際性的基金，為了吸引全球的投資者，所有的審計報告都用英文發表。銀行案件則多半需要用法語或德語審計，因為事務所手上的銀行客戶總部多半在法國和德國。
During my interview with the hiring partner of the Luxembourg firm, I asked if I’d need French or German to do my job, and the reply was an affirmative no, given that there were already colleagues who speak only English and did not require the knowledge of French or German to perform their tasks. Later to my knowledge, in this big-four audit firm in Luxembourg, the colleagues who speak solely English were all assigned to audit funds, as the funds set up in Luxembourg were international funds, and to attract global investors, all audit reports were issued in English. Banking engagements, however, were mostly audited in either French or German, given the headquarters of the firm’s banking clients were largely in France and Germany.
剛到盧森堡事務所報到的第一天，我被帶到的那區辦公室裡坐著一位法國經理，當我試著用我笨拙的法語跟他交談的時候，他馬上用他口音很重的英文回覆我。我對這個反應的理解是他覺得我的法語比他的英文破爛。我必須承認，他的評估應該是正確的。舉例來說，這位法國經理很喜歡邊看底稿邊碎念 putain, merde，我就算聽不懂涵義也聽得出來語氣不加。這也證明我當時的法文的確不高明，連基本的法文髒話都聽不懂。
The first day I arrived to this firm in Luxembourg, I was led to a sitting area with a French manager. When I tried using my hopeless French to converse with him, he instantly responded to me in English with a heavy-accent. My interpretation to this reaction was that he thought my French was more than hopeless comparing to his English. I have to say that his assessment was probably correct. For example, this French manager liked to review the working papers while murmuring ‘putain, merde’, even if I didn’t understand the meanings I could sense the unpleasant tone. This does prove that my French level back then was below elementary, as I couldn’t even understand the essential French curse words.
法國人的人種挺繁多的。我一起工作過的法國人有是父母自北非（正確來說是奈及利亞）移民的印度後裔；有越南籍的法國人；有承襲著典型南歐人中等身材的法國人；有頂著荷蘭家族的姓氏且金髮高大的法國人。但是他們通常都有著一個共同的特點，喜歡爭辯。
There are various races in French population. I had worked with a French who was an Indian descent with parents migrated from north Africa (Nigeria to be precise); I had worked with a French who was Vietnamese descent; I had worked with French who were the typical medium-built body type as southern Europeans; I had worked with French whose family names suggest they could be Dutch descents, with blonde hair and taller-built body type. Nonetheless they all had one thing in common — they like to debate.
為了能夠爭取到我想要做的審計案件，只懂英文是不夠的。我在盧森堡的前兩年正好是全球金融危機的時候，事務所鼓勵員工請無薪假。我和一圈義大利朋友們討論這個尷尬的問題；你說請嘛，好像你手上案子不夠多所以可以請無薪假，那這樣是說你的職缺被砍事務所也不會有人手不足的情況？你說不請嘛，那共體時艱你不請不是不夠意思？我想想伸頭是一刀，縮頭也是一刀，就放手做想做的吧。最後向事務所申請了一個月的無薪假去南法的波爾多上三個禮拜的法文課。為什麼上三個禮拜請一個月的無薪假？因為上完法語課又跟美國的朋友去南法和南義逍遙兩個禮拜（最後好像也沒什麼人被砍欸，都是績效管理給管理掉，這樣應該可以省下不少資遣費）。
Knowing English wasn’t enough to qualify me for the engagements I was interested in. The first two years I was in Luxembourg was also during the Global Financial Crisis, and the firm encouraged employees to take unpaid leaves. I had rounds of discussions with my Italian friends on this dilemma; if you take the unpaid leaves, it might appear that you don’t have enough engagements in hand, so does it mean that if the firm were to cut your headcount, it wouldn’t suffer the resource constrain? If you don’t take the ‘encouraged’ unpaid leaves, does it mean that you would rather rocking the boat as you are unwilling to chip in? I thought either route would lead to bloodshed, might as well do what I please. At the end I applied a month of unpaid leave with the firm, to attend a 3-week French course in Bordeaux, at south of France. Why did I apply for a month of unpaid leave when I only had a 3-week French course? Just so that I could cruise with my American friend in southern France and Italy after the course. (At the end I can’t recall anyone being laid off, but mostly performance managed out — potential savings on redundancy payments.)
在波爾多的日子很逍遙。波爾多有所大學，暑期找房子的事相對簡單，我住在同事幫我找的大學學生暑假回家的房間代租。波爾多也有輕電車，但是我每天只要徒步就能到學校上課。我只租了一個房間，印象中是個老舊的公寓建築，廁所和衛浴是分開的。記得我每天口袋裡塞著小小一台的索尼收音機，調轉到法語的新聞頻道，戴著耳機下樓，走過廣場和其中的噴水池，還可以看見一旁的河。
It was a carefree lifestyle in Bordeaux, which is a university town. As such, finding summer accommodation was relatively easy, my colleague found me a sub-let from a uni student who went away for summer vacation. There were trams in Bordeaux, but I only had to walk to get to school. I rented a room, from memory, of an old apartment building — the bath and toilet were separated. I’d have my tiny Sony music shuffle in my pocket tuning into a French news channel, with earphone plugged in, then walked down apartment staircases, walked pass a plaza with a fountain, with the river view on sight.
我代租的公寓另外還有兩位法國房客，不常接觸，但都很友善。我那一班的同學都是歐洲人，除了我以外唯一能算是亞州的好像是土耳其來的。大家來學法語的原因不外是為了工作生涯規劃進修。在一次同學辦的轟趴中不少法國也受邀，我唯一的印象就是法國人有一大堆的問題，很多的意見，但是就算與他們的意見相左，大家還是能不傷和氣的繼續撩下去。這樣的情景再回盧森堡之後和法國同事的社交相處上更是不勝枚舉。好像爭論的本身只是生活中一個必須發生的行為，並不是為了得到一個結論。也許這就是法國的精隨。
There were also two other French flatmates in the apartment I stayed. I didn’t interact much with them but both seemed friendly. Most of my classmates were Europeans, apart from me who’s from Asia, there was also someone from Turkey. We came to learn French either for career advancement or personal goals. Once, a classmate hosted a home party, where there were some French invited, and all I could remember was that French had a lot of questions and endless opinions. However even if you disagreed with them, French could still go on debating without getting worked up. This type of situation was countless for social interactions with French colleagues after I went back to Luxembourg. It appears that the debating in itself is an action which must take place in life, with no intention that the debate must reach a conclusion. Maybe that’s the essence of French.
無三小路用通識之歐洲土耳其 Useless Common Sense of European Turkey
在寫文的時候不確定該怎麼歸類土耳其同學的洲籍，究竟該歸成歐洲人還是亞洲人？查詢結果是九十七趴的土耳其在亞州板塊，三趴在歐洲版塊。所以如果在伊斯坦堡以西的土耳其人算歐洲人，以東的算亞洲人？那伊斯坦堡的土耳其人呢……
When writing up the article I wondered if I’d refer to the Turkish classmate as European or Asian. Based on search result, 97% of Turkey is part of Asia continent, and 3% is part of Europe continent. So Turkish from west of Istanbul are Europeans and from east of Istanbul are Asians? What about Turkish from Istanbul…
無三小路用通識之［原諒我的法語］之由來 Useless Common Sense of ‘Excuse My French’ Origin
自從在盧森堡的事務所裡遇到了那位講髒話像喝水一樣滑溜的法國經理之後，我真心以為我們講英文罵完髒話後很做作地加上一句［原諒我的法語］是因為法國人罵髒話之多，已成為他們生活的一部分了。不過一如往常，我的真心以為又錯了。這句［原諒我的法語］是十九世紀左右英國人彼此對話時忽然哪一方想耍一下文化會講個兩句英文忽然撂個法文，然後來一句［原諒我的法語］來表達自己高人一等的文化水準其實只是想嘲弄對方的不足嗎？這跟某些人總是講一講中文要溜兩個英文單字的感覺好像。降比較有文化嗎？
After encountering the non-stop-cursing French colleague when I first joined the firm in Luxembourg, I wholeheartedly believed that we say ‘excuse my French’ after cursing in English was a reflection of how much French curse. But as usual, I was wrong. Saying ‘excuse my French’ started around 19th century, with Brits literally using random French words in their conversation in English with other Brits, and hence excuse themselves for speaking a foreign language which might cause confusion to people who were culturally inferiors than them? This reminds me of seeing some people who had to throw out a couple of English words in their Mandarin conversations. Is that meant to prove those people are more ‘cultural’?
